Speaking up for yourself or standing up for yourself can be scary. It can be even scarier when it feels like your job is at stake. Do you find yourself avoiding “tough” conversations, especially in the workplace? Do you wish things could be different at work and just don't know how to create that change? Have you been wanting a raise for some time and just can't work up the courage to ask? These are a few signs that you might have a fear of speaking up for yourself at work. Keep reading to learn more about what may be keeping you from speaking up and skills you can use to feel more confident in having tough conversations.

Why do you fear speaking up?

Have you ever wondered where your fear of speaking up comes from? Well, there may be several factors. Here are a few:

Childhood messages- Reflect back on your childhood. What kind of messages did you receive about speaking up? Was it encouraged? Or did it feel like you couldn't share your opinion. If you have a fear of speaking up it could be directly related to your communication style growing up or styles you observed in role models such as parents, extended family or older siblings. Now that you've reflected on this, meet yourself with some empathy. It's okay if it's hard for you, it may have always been. But that doesn't mean it can't change.

Fear of what others might think of you- Another common reason it may be difficult for you to speak up is fearing what others, in this case your co-workers or supervisors, might think of you if you do speak up. I challenge you to consider what would happen if someone judged you about speaking up. Then what? Would you be proud of yourself for saying something that's been on your mind, or maybe even on the minds of others. That being said, one of the best ways to tackle fears is by doing the thing that feels scary (by taking baby steps of course).

Wondering if you will be wrong- This is a common reason that clients share ends up keeping them from speaking up. If you find yourself having an overwhelming sense of anxiety with even the thought of being wrong when you speak up, it may be helpful to seek anxiety therapy to dig deeper and understand the barriers keeping you from saying what you need to say. You know what, you could be wrong and that comes with the territory of being human. I challenge you to consider what the worst case scenario is and envision yourself coping with it.

Past negative experiences- Having a history of past negative experiences where speaking up hasn't worked in your favor can also impact your fear of speaking up at work again. This includes observing a coworker having a negative experience or even feeling your work environment is not receptive to feedback opinions.

It's important to spend time understanding where the fear is coming from to be able to best address it. The fear of speaking up at work may not be tied to one single event or experience; it can be a combination of several things that have happened in life.

How to start speaking up for yourself.

Now that you’ve spent time understanding where the fear of speaking up at work stems from, you can jump into trying to create change. But don't forget, if speaking up for yourself has always felt tough, this will likely bring up more anxiety before it starts to feel easier. That is okay! It is still important work for you to start because you have something to say and it deserves to be heard. Here are a few suggestions to help:

Be clear- Getting your message across clearly is the goal with speaking up for yourself at work. Create a guideline ahead of time to help you understand what you want to communicate or ask for. Appearing confident has an impact on how your message is delivered. Stand tall, hold eye contact and speak matter-of-factly, like you know what you want to communicate.

Practice-Running through the key points you want to make on your guideline will help you feel more confident with bringing up the matter you want to address at work. Repetition is helpful for recalling what you want to communicate while actually in front of the person. Take this a step further and have a trusted person listen while you practice. Get feedback about your body presentation and nonverbal communication from the trusted person. I know this can feel overwhelming. Just know it gets slightly easier every time you practice.

A helpful skill- The DEAR MAN skill is helpful if you feel the need for a more structured way of communicating a request to someone at work. This 7-step skill will walk you through creating your own script to ensure you communicate exactly what you want to. The steps include the following: describe, express, assert, reinforce, (stay) mindful, appear confident and negotiate. Check out the article linked above for a detailed step by step description on how to use the skill.

Therapy anxiety- Anxiety treatment is a helpful tool to better understand and address anxiety related to speaking up for yourself. Therapy should be a safe space for you to process emotions and learn skills to manage your symptoms. Check out my blog post on how to find a therapist here.

All of these suggestions are helpful tools to address the fear of speaking up at work. Continue to remind yourself that this is hard work! It is okay if it takes longer than you’d like to bring something up at work that has been on your mind.

Final thoughts.

The thought of speaking up for oneself at work can bring up much anxiety for lots of folks. I’m so glad you’ve decided to work on improving your confidence with communicating at work!

Some key takeaways to help you speak up for yourself are →

⬤ It can be tough to speak up for yourself in general and that increases if you’ve never done it before.

⬤ Being clear about what you want to communicate is important.

⬤ PRACTICE!!! Run through key points you want to communicate.

⬤ You deserve to be heard.

If you are in California and interested in working with me, please contact me. I am currently accepting clients.